By Dr. Bev Walpole – Clinical Psychologist based in Guelph & Founder of Haven Wellness by Design

I was listening to James Clear the other day — yes, the Atomic Habits James Clear — and he said something that immediately made me nod, laugh, and think:

“When you’re making big decisions, ask yourself: is this a hat, a haircut, or a tattoo?”

At first, it sounds whimsical. But then you realize it’s brilliant. And deeply relevant to how we live, work, and make choices.

Big decisions rarely fail because we “chose wrong.” More often, they overwhelm the nervous system, triggering anxiety when the stakes feel personal, long-term, or identity-defining.

Hats are easy. You put one on, wear it for a bit, and if you don’t like it — take it off.

• They’re low-stakes decisions
• They’re reversible
• They’re easy to experiment with

Example: “Do I want to take that online course?” or “Should I try this new yoga class?”

Our brains love hats because they’re low-risk. No long-term consequences. Quick feedback loops. Easy dopamine.

Haircuts are harder to reverse. You might live with regret for weeks (or months).

• These are medium-stakes decisions
• They require some foresight and planning
• Reversibility exists, but it’s inconvenient

Example: changing careers, moving cities, committing to a big project, or buying a house.

Because the stakes are a little higher, haircuts demand values alignment. Is this choice consistent with who you are? What you stand for? How you want to show up in the world?

This is often where people get stuck — caught between logic and intuition, or between who they’ve been and who they’re becoming.

Tattoos are serious. They’re hard to undo. They live with you forever.

• High-stakes, long-term consequences
• Identity-reinforcing decisions
• Must align with core values and vision

Example: choosing a life partner, starting a business, or making a major financial commitment.

Here’s the kicker: these decisions activate not just fear of failure, but fear of becoming the “wrong version” of ourselves. And that’s where things can really lock up.

From a neuroscience perspective, our brains are wired to:

1. Avoid loss (amygdala-driven fear response) → we overthink, freeze, procrastinate
2. Seek reward (dopamine-driven impulse) → we jump impulsively, hoping for the “win”
3. Negotiate identity (prefrontal cortex + self-concept) → does this choice fit me, or am I chasing someone else’s expectation?

Combine these, and you get:

• Paralysis by analysis: endlessly weighing pros and cons, stuck in the middle
• Impulsive leaps: choosing quick wins or instant relief without considering consequences

Both are signs of a nervous system under pressure — not personal failure.

This is where MI comes in. Motivational Interviewing teaches us to map:

• Pros of chang
• Cons of change
• Pros of staying the same
• Cons of staying the same

When combined with the hats–haircuts–tattoos framework, it becomes a practical, values-driven map for action:

1. Identify whether your choice is a hat, haircut, or tattoo
2. List the potential gains and losses (decisional balance)
3. Reflect on your core values: does this decision move you toward who you want to be or away from it?
4. Consider emotional resonance and identity fit

This method keeps you grounded, intentional, and honest — instead of impulsive or paralyzed. This can be especially supportive for people experiencing chronic anxiety, overthinking, or decision fatigue.

• Hats: Trying a new hobby, a weekend course, or a small wellness experiment. Test it. No harm.
• Haircuts: Changing jobs, redesigning a space, moving for a few years. Medium-stakes planning + values reflection.
• Tattoos: Starting a business, getting married, committing to motherhood decisions, launching a major brand initiative. Permanent. Must reflect core values and life vision.

Big decisions feel scary because they aren’t just about outcomes — they’re about who we are, who we want to be, and how we experience life in the long term.

• Hats = playfulness
• Haircuts = courage
• Tattoos = integrity

When you consciously distinguish these, you:

• Reduce impulsivity
• Reduce decision paralysis
• Align with your deepest values
• Move forward with more clarity and self-trust

Next time you’re agonizing over a big choice, ask yourself:

“Is this a hat, a haircut, or a tattoo?”

Then ask:

• What do my values say?
• What’s the decisional balance?
• How will this choice shape who I am over time?

And here’s the magic: when you integrate psychology + values + practical reflection, you stop letting fear or urgency dictate your choices. You start making decisions that feel not only smart but deeply authentic.

Hats, haircuts, tattoos — it’s not just hair and ink.
It’s life, lived with intention.